What are your needs in an intimate relationship? This is an exercise in self-discovery, adapted from Philip McGraw’s The Relationship Rescue Workbook (Hyperion). As you recognize and acknowledge your needs, you create a path toward getting those needs met.
For every need that applies to you, put X on the line to the left of it. I have the need:
____ To feel, and be told, that I am loved.
____ To feel a sense of belonging to and with my partner.
____ To feel respected as an individual.
____ To feel valued for other than the tasks I perform.
____ To feel that I am a priority in my partner’s life.
____ To feel special. More important than everything else in my partner’s life.
____ To feel that my partner is proud to be with me.
____ To feel that I have been—and can be—forgiven for transgressions.
____ To feel accepted, flaws and all.
____ To feel that my partner and I are close and trusted friends.
____ To feel desired.
____ To feel appreciated for who I am and what I do.
____ To feel passion between me and my partner.
____ To feel emotionally connected with my partner.
____ To be touched, caressed, held or hugged.
____ To be kissed.
____ To feel that I am welcomed in my partner’s personal space.
____ To be physically welcomed when encountering my partner.
____ For tenderness.
____ For a satisfying and rewarding sexual life.
____ To feel that my spiritual values and needs are supported and respected.
____ To share a spiritual life.
____ To be remembered with calls and acknowledgments when apart.
____ To feel that my partner will plan and structure his/her activities to include me.
____ For appropriate tenderness, politeness and support when interacting with the world.
____ To share fun, joy and laughter.
____ To know that my partner will stand by me in times of distress and conflict.
____ To feel that my partner will rally to my aid if needed.
____ To feel supported by my partner.
____ To know that my partner is loyal and committed.
____ To know that our relationship will not be put at risk because of any disagreements.
____ To know that my partner is my soft place to fall.
____ Can you think of any other needs not listed?
Knowing what you need in an intimate relationship doesn’t ensure that you’ll get those needs met. That takes good, effective, consistent communication and a partner willing to hear and be responsive to you . But knowing what your needs are is still the first step in getting those needs met and therefore being happy in your relationship.