If you’ve ever had someone you love and care about say to you: “I love you, but I’m not in love with you,” you will know how disorienting and puzzling it is to hear such words. But what about the person who says those words? If you have been thinking or verbalizing those words recently, […]
Dear Neil: My boyfriend and I haven’t been together for very long. We fell in love very fast, and have suffered a miscarriage. Since then he has become more obsessed with his autonomy and having space, and he has been emotionally distant. He is yet to be divorced (he’s taking his time), and I found […]
All Fluff, No Substance Dear Neil: A year ago I connected with a woman who was gorgeous, warm and affectionate. She was a model type, very striking in appearance. She appeared to be quite taken by me, and I had visions of this being THE ONE. But a couple of months into the relationship, she […]
The Only Connection Skill You Are Likely to Need Dear Neil: Can you help me repair my relationship? The lady in my life and I have lost the ability to be close with each other. Here’s how a typical conversation between us goes: Me: “How was your day?” Her: “I’m annoyed. I feel like I’m […]
In my 28 year practice as a marriage and family therapist, perhaps the most unexpected discovery I’ve made is related to how hard it is for full fledged adults to create and maintain a healthy, positive intimate relationship over time. I have always thought that if you were a single adult over 40 and looking […]
Imagine the following: You are running late to meet a friend for lunch. Because you are in a hurry, you find yourself speeding down an icy road. A police car spots you, pulls you over and tickets you for speeding. You curse your bad luck. When the police officer finally lets you go, you pass […]
Dear Neil: I am in a four month relationship with a man who has proposed to me. We are both 26. I want to get married and have a baby, and I am leaning toward accepting his proposal. But I am getting a lot of flack from my parents and others in my family saying […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one The following are a continuation of the guidelines for how to decide which of your issues are deal breakers—and when you’d be better off leaving a relationship instead of staying in it: When you feel poorly treated. Poor treatment can come in many […]
Note: This is the first of a two-part series. Click here for part two Dear Neil: You usually write about how people can stay together and work out their differences. But what about when it may not be in your self-interest to stay, or when you have an extremely unresponsive, uncaring or hurtful partner? Could […]
Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one If you are caught between being in a relationship with two different people, and are attempting to choose which one you want to commit to, here are more questions which are designed to assist you in coming to a choice. These […]