Trust, infidelity and deception are the biggest issues women have in their intimate relationships with men, according to the results of a recent survey from the readers of this column.
Participating cities in the survey included Amarillo, Texas, Woodbridge, Virginia, Everett, Washington, Denver, Colorado, Christchurch and Wellington, New Zealand and Janesville and Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Women from four countries responded, representing the U.S., Canada, New Zealand and Australia. Other major issues women mentioned include lack of commitment, differences in sexual appetite, money, insufficient quality time together and lack of intimacy.
The women who responded to the survey questions were so vocal and eloquent, that I have decided to quote as many as I can in this space. So here goes.
“His infidelity and deception are my biggest areas of pain and hurt,” writes Jennifer S. of Vancouver, Canada. “Jealousy, possessiveness and trust,” says Deanna E. of Greenfield, Wisconsin. “My partner’s deceit, lack of loyalty [and] fear of commitment,” adds Susan from Everett. “Disagreement about basic principles of behavior,” complains Pam from Denver. “Finding someone with the same values,” adds Becky from Amarillo.
“Male egos,” says Janice from Woodbridge. “Aloofness and lack of time together,” reports April from Wellington. “Lack of communication,” writes Sharon from Melbourne, Australia. “My partner not knowing himself [and] not opening up to me,” adds Jill of Wauwatosa, Wisconsin. “[My husband] not being able to talk about feelings or even recognize they exist. Being ‘argued out’ of every feeling is hard to take. Also, [we have] difficulty in resolving differences and conflicts,” says a 49 year old woman from Christchurch.
“Him not being supportive of me and what’s important to me,” reports a 19 year old, single woman from Milwaukee. “Valuing my importance as a person,” writes Mary from Woodbridge. “Basic lack of respect for each other’s ideas. [We] should be able to disagree without losing respect for one another,” says Debra of Wind Lake, Wisconsin. “Being taken for granted and being alone too much,” complains Janet from Woodbridge.
“Control issues,” writes Sandy from Everett. “Many men have tried to control my thoughts [and] actions. Eventually this causes it to end,” adds Judy from Milwaukee. “Domineering males who boss me around and use threats of physical force to keep me under their thumb,” says an anonymous reader from Virginia. “What has caused me the most conflict and extreme emotional turmoil is my loss of autonomy. I lost myself as a person,” writes a 47 year old, married woman from Christchurch. “Feeling responsible for my husband’s happiness,” reports Sherri from Amarillo. “Resentment of my success and [my] interests,” adds Louise from Wellington.
“Lack of romance and his abuse of alcohol,” says Sal from Sydney, Australia. “Laziness. My spouse is not as much of a partner when the house needs to be cleaned. Poor oral and physical hygiene decrease the intimacy we could share. It makes me angry when my spouse is unwilling to put forth the effort to achieve greater intimacy,” confides Elizabeth from Milwaukee.
“Being used,” complains Judy of Waikanae, New Zealand. “I’m ready and he is not,” says a 26 year old, single woman from Milwaukee. “His inability or unwillingness to emotionally commit,” adds Jacqueline of Colorado Springs, Colorado.
“[I] had a beautiful marriage with my one and only for 40 years,” writes a 69 year old widow from Milwaukee, reminding us to keep our perspective about our relationships which can also be loving and caring.