Dear Readers: I have received so many letters from women regarding the issue of what they consider to be “fabulous foreplay,” that I have decided to reprint more letters on this subject.
I appreciate seeing ANY man attempt to address the issue of a “woman’s definition of fabulous foreplay.” I attend evening college classes. If I return home to a disheveled house with supper dishes in the sink and children screaming and running about past their bedtime, I am irritated at my husband. (In other words, “Not tonight, I’ve got a headache.”) If I return home to a straightened house, cooperative children, and a husband who greets me with a kiss and a “How was class, honey?” I am all but naked and between the sheets as fast as I can get there. He has paid me the greatest compliment by making what is traditionally “mine” become “ours,” and his compassion for me will not go unrewarded.
Men who do more housework get more sex. Let women feel like vixens rather than kitchen servants!
I’m with Liza Doolittle: show me! The banal and cliched expressions of love that men are told women want—pale to nothing when compared to examples of going out of your way to help a woman.
Helping with domestic chores is certainly a way for a man to show his spouse or partner how much he appreciates her. But most women desire more than just this in a relationship. They want the more traditional style of romance, too. Romantic actions that leave them feeling beautiful, special, desired. Romance is an unexpected hug, taking her hand in a gentle squeeze when you walk. It’s listening to her, hearing what she says and sharing ideas and thoughts with her. It’s letting her know how very special she is to you. Do this, and romance and desire will come back into your relationship.
Flowers, a kiss and an “I love you”—although they are nice and can be given unselfishly—can also just be a man’s way of getting what he wants. He could be feeling romantic or horny and it’s a means to an end. When a man cleans the oven for you, there is nothing in it for him. He is getting out of himself and seeing what your needs are. This is the biggest turn on a woman could have. She will be moved on the deepest level. If he only knew the response he’d get, oven cleaning would be a pleasure.
Steamboat Springs, Colorado
If men would alleviate some of the stress of managing a home, women would not be “too tired” later on.
A kiss and “I love you” should be an automatic daily show of affection. My ex-husband did that, but we’re divorced. His behavior, intentional or not, told me that I was primarily his cook, housekeeper and laundress, not to mention the bookkeeper, social life coordinator, shopper, and so on. Not his life partner.
If I were his partner, he would have known that all the household tasks were equally his responsibility, and he would have done them too. Having him show me that respect and consideration would have been more than “fabulous foreplay.” It would have been the glue that kept us together. Additionally it would have kept me sexually interested in him, instead of increasingly resentful, and less and less responsive to him romantically or sexually.