What Do Women Want?

A Primer for Men

Based on a reader’s survey of this column (and quoted last week), I am going to attempt to summarize what women want in their intimate relationships with men.

Women do not speak with one voice. Every female is different, and no viewpoint attempts to represent all women. There are exceptions to these ideas, but I think I have the general rules of thumb down.

  • Women have more of a need to communicate on an emotional basis in their relationships than do most men.
  • Women have more of a need to love and to feel loved on an ongoing basis than do most men.
  • They want commitment.
  • They want to feel they are the most important and most valued part of your life; more important than your job.
  • They want to be taken seriously, as an equal person, and not to feel degraded, belittled, put down or inadequate around you.
  • They want to feel valued, honored and respected, even when the two of you disagree.
  • Honesty and integrity: that they can trust and believe what you tell them.
  • Time: they want to be made as or more important than your work, buddies, sports, other interests, hobbies and obligations.
  • They want fidelity.
  • They want to feel attractive and desirable: that you notice and appreciate their appearance and their femininity.
  • They want their men to be approachable, sensual and tuned in to their needs.
  • They want the man to be romantic.
  • Value what they do equally to what you do.
  • They want to feel nurtured and cared for, that you can and will take care of them when they need it.
  • That you will ask if you need or want something from them, and not assume they’re just supposed to know.
  • That men will help out and do their fair share of the household chores, especially if both of you work outside of the home.
  • They want goodwill, the benefit of the doubt, and absence of malice.
  • Do not try to be in control of everything. Do not try to control her time, schedule, friendships, activities, thoughts or feelings.
  • Be a good listener as well as a good communicator. They want to be able to talk with you.
  • For their man to have an inner sense of security, self confidence and self worth.
  • They want appreciation, recognition and acknowledgement for what they do.
  • They want their men to be skilled in the areas around problem solving, negotiating, conflict resolution and compromise.
  • Women personalize what you do with the children. If you ignore, belittle, are caustic with, or otherwise hurt one of the children, they take it as a personal injury that you’ve inflicted on them.
  • If they do not look like the ideal fantasy Playboy model, they still want to be given an honest to God chance as a person. They don’t want to have to be perfect and held to standards they can’t meet.
  • Be seductively aggressive. Flirt with them.
  • They do not want a man to be too available. He’s got to remain a bit aloof.
  • Be a good lover. Recognize they may not sexually be at the same place and in the same time as you. Be patient and bring her to where you’re at. It tends to take women longer than it does men. They want you to value their pleasure, not just your own.
  • Be willing to be taught what feels good to them sensually/sexually without getting your male ego injured or upset. Each woman is a unique individual. Let them teach you how to best please them.
  • Women want to be wanted for their minds, or because they care, or because they’re nurturing, or whatever. They want to be wanted and valued more than just for their bodies.
  • If you want to make love to them at night, be willing to make love with them in other ways during the day.

Women, am I leaving anything out? Next week we will talk about how men see and experience their relationships with women, in a further attempt to understand the different languages men and women speak.

“The road to wisdom? Well, it’s plain and simple to express: err and err and err again but less and less and less.” Piet Hein

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