What Grade Would You Give Your Relationship?

Everyone wants to be in love, stay in love, and live a fun, passionate, fulfilling and meaningful life. We begin our relationships full of hope. We begin our marriages by vowing our best. We all feel that our relationships are special, different and unique. And they are. So says Gregory J. P. Godek in the book Love—The Course They Forgot To Teach You In School (Casablanca Press, 1997)

Isn’t it sad that so many people who start out with exciting, passionate, A+ relationships find themselves just a few years later with boring, mediocre C- relationships? Look around at the people you know. How many of them have fantastic, A+ relationships? How many of them have average, mediocre, C- relationships?

Godek offers a relationship report card, a way for you to evaluate the health and well being of your intimate relationship.

Grade yourself and your partner in these relationship skills:
A= passionate, exciting, fulfilling; not perfect—but clearly excellent
B= very good, solid, better-than-most, consistent, improving
C= average, adequate, acceptable, okay, ho-hum, static
D= below average, dismal, unhappy, bad—but not hopeless
F= hopeless, dangerous; tried everything, didn’t work


  • Affection
  • Arguing Skills
  • Attitude
  • Commitment
  • Communication
  • Compromise
  • Conflict Resolution
  • Considerateness
  • Couple Thinking
  • Creativity
  • Effort
  • Equal Division of Responsibilities/Rewards
  • Financial Responsibility
  • Flexibility
  • Friendship
  • Fun
  • Generosity
  • Gift-Giving
  • Household Management
  • istening Skills
  • Loyalty
  • Making Up After Fighting
  • Nurturing
  • Parenting Skills
  • Patience
  • Playfulness
  • Reciprocity
  • Respect
  • Responsiveness
  • Romance
  • Self-Awareness
  • Self-Esteem
  • Sense of Humor
  • Sensitivity
  • Spontaneity
  • Trust

Each of you grade yourself and your partner. While grading, ask yourself “How well do I (or my partner) exemplify/act on this particular skill?” Use “+” and “-” to fine-tune your grading. The goal is not to get “straight A’s.” The goal is to improve, not to be perfect.

When you have both completed the grading process, compare your grades. Start at the top of the list and share the grades you gave yourself and your partner. For each skill, discuss the discrepancies between how you graded yourself, compared to how your partner graded you.

Some questions to consider: what was your reasoning behind various grades? Are you satisfied, dissatisfied, happy, embarrassed or proud of your grades? What might you do to get a better grade? What kind of help can you offer your partner?

“You can’t measure love—but you can measure if someone is acting in a loving manner.” Gregory J. P. Godek

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