Erotic talk, called “verbal foreplay” by Bonnie Gabriel in the book The Fine Art Of Erotic Talk (Bantam Books), is about talking in sensuous ways that generate passion between you and your lover.
Here are some Gabriel suggests that you can add erotic talk to spice up your intimate relationship:
Learn the art of “erotic subtext.” If you “sensualize” expressions, that is, use words that evoke a sense of physical or emotional connection to your partner, your words will become especially potent. And remember to use all of your senses. For instance, you may give your partner an honest compliment like “I love the way you dance.” But you can help to create a more romantic or erotic mood with expressions like “I love the way you feel in my arms” or “I love the way you move your body.”
You can express your enjoyment of how your companion sounds by saying “Your voice excites me.” “Keep talking to me that way.” In the visual realm, you might tell your partner “I love looking at you,” ” You make that dress look fabulous,” “When you look at me like that, I begin to melt.”
Don’t forget to notice if you’re attracted to your partner’s scent. You might say something like “I love your perfume,” or “I like your cologne,” although a more sensual way of putting it would be “I love the way you smell,” or “Your skin has the nicest perfume; I could breathe you in like this all night.”
And if it’s appropriate, remember to include your sense of taste. This sense is engaged whenever you touch your partner’s skin with your lips. So why not let him or her know how much you are enjoying such contact with expressions like “I love the way your lips taste,” or “Your skin tastes delicious.”
You can build intimacy by validating your partner’s affectionate behavior toward you. You might say “I like the way you take my hand when we walk down the street,” or “It felt really nice when you stroked my hair in the movie theatre.” In doing so, you are not only showing your appreciation, but optimizing your chances for the affectionate behavior you enjoy to be repeated.
Perfect your ability and skills in creating erotic afterglow: learn to use words to leave your lover wanting more. The secret to creating erotic afterglow for you and your lover is based on three principles. The first is express your thanks and appreciation for all the pleasure your partner has given you. The second is to build a provocative mood of positive expectation—or even delicious suspense—of what your future sexual encounters will hold. And the third is to continue to remind your lover of the special connection you have together even when you’re not together. Examples: “This is better than the book or the movie!” “That was absolutely delicious!” “If I could bottle and sell the way you make me feel, I would make a fortune.” “Thank you for letting me love every inch of you.” “I feel that you’ve pleasured every molecule of my being!”
Create previews of coming attractions. Describe some of the ways you plan to pleasure your partner the next you are together. For instance, “The next time, I’m going to treat you to a long sensuous massage that will sensitize every nerve ending in your body,” or “Next time, I am going to wear a black corset and high-heeled boots.”
These exercises, when used appropriately, can be effective in all stages of courtship and marriage, as well as foreplay and sex.