The Fine Art of Erotic Talk

Most men and women find that erotic words and voice tone are important ingredients in their arousal. Called “verbal foreplay” by Bonnie Gabriel in the book The Fine Art of Erotic Talk (Bantam Books), she says words are wonderful aphrodisiacs. “Through words, you can stimulate the pleasure centers in your partner’s mind so they send shivers of sensual delight through his entire body. Through words, you can help her become more relaxed and receptive to your touch. Through words, you can ignite his erotic imagination or lift her to the heights of unbridled passion. And through words, you can melt the barriers that may be keeping you and your lover from experiencing the profound joy of a sacred sexual union.”

Interested? Close your eyes for a moment and imagine that your beloved, or someone to whom you’re very attracted, is calling out your name. First imagine that there is an undertone of “you’re very precious to me” in his or her voice. Notice how the uttering of your name in this context makes you feel. Now, imagine that the message your lover is conveying with the repeated calling of your name is “I want you now.” Does that generate different feelings and reactions in your body?

This is an example of erotic talk, which Gabriel defines as any verbal or vocal expression that generates or intensifies passion.

To increase your skill in this area, Gabriel offers the following exercises:

  • Create a sexy voice. When we hear the term “sexy” used to describe someone’s voice quality, most of think of that husky, throaty, breathy sound. To get that breathy quality associated with a sexy voice, open your mouth and count out loud “81, 82, 83, 84, 85” and so on until you reach “89”. Next, repeat the count from 81 to 89, only this time punctuate each count with a breath of air. Finally, alternate between the normal sound and the breathy sound. A tip: The erotic voice needs more oxygen, so remember to inhale more frequently than you normally do.
  • Just switching from normal to soft volume in the middle of a conversation can be erotic. Try the sentence “Since we’ve both got some free time, what would you like to do tonight?” First, ask the entire question in your normal conversational tone. Then try asking the first part in your conversational tone, and drop your voice when you say “what would you like to do tonight?” Finally, try asking the entire question in a soft voice.  Which sounds the most sexually inviting to you?
  • Ask a provocative question with a hidden or implied message. For example: “Are you always this funny, or am I inspiring you?” “Do your eyes always light up like this, or is it my irresistible charm that is making them sparkle?”
  • One of the most powerful ways to connect more deeply with your partner is to maintain eye contact and verbal connection while you’re in the midst of an erotic experience with each other. You might begin by telling your lover “I want to see the love and desire in your eyes as I touch you like this, and I want you to see it in mine.” Even if you find yourself feeling a bit uncomfortable the first few times you do this, stay with it. Eventually the discomfort will pass, and you will find yourself opening to new levels of trust, intimacy and passion.

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