Dear Neil: In February, 1994, I discovered my husband was in an intimate relationship with a woman he worked with. We had what I thought was a near perfect relationship. When I first learned about his other relationship, I blamed myself and completely lost confidence and self-esteem. I didn’t allow myself to be angry, as […]
Husband Sure Wife Had an Affair
Dear Neil: My husband thinks he saw me actually having sex with his best friend. This did not happen. I have always been faithful to him. He won’t go to see anyone because he “knows what he saw,” and seeing a therapist won’t change anything. He’s having all the painful reactions a spouse would have […]
Obstacles to Intimacy
Why is intimacy so difficult? Most people in our culture don’t know how to succeed in a good, intimate, close, monogamous relationship. So they struggle with less than close relationships, hoping things will get better. Some people, however, do have close relationships, and some spouses/lovers are, in addition, best friends with each other. So why […]
Frustrated Man More Committed Than The Woman He’s Dating
Dear Neil: I am increasingly frustrated at what I think is “Robin’s” emotional unavailability. I find myself giving far more to the relationship (and to her) than I receive back. She shows very little emotion or sexual passion, and there is not much of “we” in the relationship. It’s mostly about her and her children. […]
A Test of Abusiveness
Dear Neil: I would like to see you publish all the things to look for in a male which would indicate he is a person who could be abusive emotionally/sexually/physically. Planning Ahead in Westminster Dear Planning Ahead: There are no hard and fast criteria that I know about to determine what another person, man or woman, […]
Indifference
Protections Lead to Distant Relationships “I’m stuck. I want to be close to my boyfriend, but I have been burned by men in the past, and I’m afraid to emotionally let go and permit myself to fall in love,” writes Jenny A. from San Diego. “Josh is a wonderful man. He’s bright, good-looking, charming, educated, […]
Why Does Daughter Avoid Intimate Relationships With Men?
Dear Neil: Please tell me what’s wrong with my 38-year-old daughter. She’s very attractive, physically fit, ambitious and has many interests. She’s financially secure, independent, doesn’t smoke or drink, and has no criminal or psychiatric history. The problem? She never dates. She’s had only two several-month relationships that I know of: when she was twenty-five […]
Distant Intimacy
Choosing “Safe” People “I was raised in a very “dysfunctional” family,” writes Lisa F. of Denver. “My parents divorced when I was very young. My father was absent for most of my childhood, except for brief visits once a year. My mother worked long hours to provide for us, and we moved in excess of […]
With Defiant Teenager You Must Set Firm Boundaries
Dear Neil: I need some help with how to aid the relationship with my live-in boyfriend and my 14 year-old daughter. She once looked up to him, but is now negative and defiant toward him. She has been labeled in the special education realm as being emotionally disturbed and having Oppositional Defiant Disorder. She and […]
Where to Find Single Available Men
Dear Neil: I am a an attractive, intelligent, vibrant single woman, 45 years old. But there seems to be a lack of available men that also fit this description, so me and a number of my female friends seek our soul mates in vain. Please encourage available men to come out of their nooks and […]