Where Do I Meet Women?

Man Finds it Difficult to Find a Mate

Dear Neil: I am a 32 year old single professional male, both handsome and physically fit. I have a thirst for knowledge and adventure. My interests are varied and include aerobics, movies, the arts, traveling, sports and dining out.

Where does an upwardly mobile man meet his female equal? If you are interested in dating someone, but aren’t sure of their interests, what is the most discreet way of finding out?

Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Dear Milwaukee: You discover what her interests are by asking her. Of course, you could also tell her what you’re interested in and even invite her to do some of the things with you. One of the delights about courtship is that you’re able to be introduced to activities and events that someone else finds enjoyable, but that you may not have a lot of exposure to or experience with. You thus get the opportunity of expanding and enriching your interests, your experiences, and your world.

As to where to go to meet women, you’re going to have to go to places where people have the opportunity to talk or interact with each other, such as an adult education class, a tennis clinic, a professional conference, travel seminar, photography workshop or dance class, to name a few.

Aerobics classes could also work. You just have to walk up to someone and start a conversation. That conversation can eventually allow you to invite her out, so the two of you can get to know each other better.

Connecting with a woman and inviting her out requires risk and courage. It demands that you be willing to tolerate nervousness, awkwardness and rejection in order to give yourself an opportunity of finding someone you could have a deeper relationship with.

This doesn’t work every time. In fact, the way it is for most men, they fail at connecting with a woman—or get rejected in their attempts—far more often than they succeed at it. But this is how the game is played. Keep playing the game and you will eventually succeed.

Dear Neil: I am 17 years old, and I have attempted countless times to start something with girls. The problem is that I am very romantic, kind and caring, and I respect women. The guys they will go out with are guys that treat them like crap; they leave girls after getting them into bed. I don’t want to lower my values to that if all girls and women are doing the same thing.

Just like males, there are many different styles of being female, not just one way. Find a girl who is like you—there are lots of them—who want a romantic, kind, respectful guy. You’ll succeed. The only thing that will stop you is if you permit rejections and disappointments to sour your spirit.

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