What Does My Boyfriend Need in Order to Make Up His Mind?

Dear Neil:  Twice in the past year my boyfriend of two years has indicated to me that he’s confused and needs to think about our relationship.  The first time was six months ago.  Now he wants more time, and I’m not sure I want to give him any more time.  Is he going to be chronically confused in this relationship?

Not Knowing Which Way To Turn, South Africa

Dear Not Knowing:  Sometimes people don’t want to give up a relationship that they may not be all that enamored with, but they consider it better than nothing.  Other times a person may not be ready to make a long-term commitment because of timing or of life’s circumstances (starting out in a career, finishing up school, grieving over a previous love, career or financial instability, etc.)  There’s also the compatibility issue, the “Is this the one?” issue and the “Have I sowed my wild oats?” issue.

Why don’t you ask him?  Ask him what’s in his way—or what he needs—in order to make up his mind and no longer be  in confusion about your relationship.

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