Note: This is the second of a two-part series. Click here for part one
No adult reading this article is likely to be a novice when it comes to romance. Most of us have been around the block once or twice when it comes to our experiences in an intimate relationship, and some of us have been around the block over and over again.
We all know the pattern. Two people fall in love…just like you. They do all the classic romantic things that couple’s do when they first get together. But, over time, the passion and romance fades—sometimes never to return. Some would argue that this is inevitable in a relationship.
But passion does not need to fade in your relationship any longer, and “generic romance” will take you only so far. A relationship between once-close lovers will drift apart if both of you don’t work at keeping things close, connected and loving on an ongoing basis. Familiarity does not “breed contempt,” but boredom and lack of effort and initiative will. You just need more creative and personal ways of living your love, because while falling in love just happens, staying in love never happens by itself.
“Great relationships aren’t 50/50. They’re 100/100,” says Gregory J.P. Godek in his book 1001 Ways to Be Romantic (Sourcebooks Publishers). “Fifty-fifty really means “I’ll meet you halfway.” Love is about giving 100%, not merely 50%….The problem is when you’re both trying to limit your giving to your “fair share”—usually defined as 50%. If you do that, you’ll definitely fall short of 100%.”
Here are some “secrets” Godek offers in how to turn your relationship into a love affair:
- Give your relationship the top priority in your life, and your time and effort are far more important than the money you spend. Gifts are great, but nothing makes up for lost time or for feeling lonely while in a relationship. Make sure you’re carving time out of your evenings and weekends to spend with your sweetheart.
- Once a week for a year, jot down two reasons why you love him/her, one great thing s/he did and one inspirational thought that feels significant to you. At the end of the year, print all of this out on a big scroll and present it to your lover.
- Not for newlyweds only. Every so often, carry her over the threshold of your house or apartment.
- Remove yourself from the electronic and media grid on a regular basis—over a weekend, on a vacation and on random days. In order to slow down and connect one-on-one with your lover, it helps immensely if you occasionally disconnect from the internet and email, from TV and radio, from newspapers, magazines, cable, videos, mobile phones and from the media in all its forms.
- Call from work simply to say “I love you!” (There’s rarely an acceptable reason to go eight straight hours without touching base.)
- When women use to the word “romance,” they’re usually referring to love. When men use the word “romance,” they’re often referring to sex. So if you want to be really romantic to your lover, be romantic the way s/he defines romance, not the way you do.
- Fill up an entire packet of Post-It notes with twenty-five sexy messages, sixteen romantic suggestions, thirty-one silly notes, seven romantic song lyrics, twelve suggestive messages and nine intriguing questions. Stick up two notes per day until you use up the packet.
- How about staging a personal Lingerie Fashion Show for him? Or gals, perform a personal striptease for him. Some stripteases emphasize the strip part, while others emphasize the tease part. You choose.
- When was the last time you told someone else how lucky you felt to have your woman in your life? Complimenting her in front of someone else will make her feel extra special.
“The first duty of love is to listen.” —Paul Tillich
“Men are from Earth. Women are from Earth. Deal with it.” —George Carlin
“Love the heart that hurts you, but never hurt the heart that loves you.” —Vipin Sharma