Dear Neil: My boyfriend (Type A personality) and I (Type B) are on the brink of calling it quits after an 8 month long-distance relationship. Up until about 10 days ago, everything was wonderful. Truly wonderful. We had begun discussing marriage and we were both sure that we’d found “the one.” But after finding out that his boss would not allow him to move to Denver (as earlier promised), and I not being able to move to Kansas City due to my owning a successful business in Denver, things have seemingly begun to fall apart.
The conflict has brought to light some significant differences in our personalities. We are both deeply in love, and neither wants to give up on the relationship. But in light of some of his recent actions/comments, I fear the personality differences are just too much to overcome—especially with the distance. He recognizes his Type A nature, but is 35 and has no idea where to begin to change his ways. Can a Type A and Type B personality co-exist in a loving relationship?
Frustrated in Denver
Dear Frustrated: If this is about a Type A personality (driven, always on the go, seldom slows down) versus a Type B personality (less driven, laid back, able to stop and smell the roses)—I haven’t heard it from your letter. What I do hear in your letter is that the two of you can’t overcome a large obstacle put in your way.
I can’t tell you what the solution is to your dilemma, but I can tell you that where there’s a will there’s a way. One possible solution is for him to begin the process of actively looking for a comparable position in or around Denver. Another solution is for you to look at what it would take to open a Kansas City branch of your business—or to transfer it there. A completely different line of work for one of you is a third option. Do you guys have the determination and perseverance to overcome this obstacle in order for you you to be together?