This inventory offers you an opportunity to be more objective in looking at a current or previous relationship. It is not a scientifically validated questionnaire, but a guide based on my observations about what’s important in a relationship—and about what gets intimate relationships in trouble.
If you are doing this as a couple, score this questionnaire individually, and do not talk about your answers or responses until both of you have completed the inventory. A discussion of how you rated things and why could be very enlightening.
(5=extremely satisfied, 4=satisfied, 3=neutral, 2=dissatisfied, 1=extremely dissatisfied)
- We confide our personal feelings to each other.
- We have similar interests and activities.
- We respect each other.
- We’re attracted to and pleased by each other’s appearance.
- We are understanding of each other.
- We are romantic and nurturing of each other.
- We express affection for each other.
- He/she is compassionate and empathetic toward me.
- I am satisfied with how we spend money, and what we spend it on.
- We are both monogamous.
- We are sexually compatible and comfortable with each other.
- We like each other.
- Our attitudes about having children.
- The raising of children.
- We communicate well.
- Our moral, religious and/or spiritual practices and beliefs.
- Our social life.
- How the house is kept.
- I have influence over the decisions we make.
- I am satisfied with the division of roles we have worked out.
- We are able to talk about what is troubling our relationship when tension starts to build between us.
- We give compliments and do favors for each other.
- We both feel the other does his/her fair share.
- We are compatible about our in-laws and respective families.
- Time spent together.
- Play/fun we have together.
- I am generally happy with our relationship.
- I am generally comfortable with the way anger is expressed in our relationship.
- I am generally comfortable with the way conflicts and disagreements are handled.
- I love him/her.
- I feel loved by him/her.
- I am generally happy with the friends we have in common and how much time we spend socially together.
- I look forward to seeing him/her.
- I feel valued in a serious conversation with my mate.
- When we’re together, I rarely feel lonely.
Scoring: Add up your points based on the scale at the top of the list.
141-175: Your relationship is positive and is going well. You are responsive to each other, and you usually like being around him/her.
106-140: There are problems that have developed in your relationship. Don’t delay working through these things.
105 or below: Your relationship is not that happy, and it could be in jeopardy. Do something about this right away.
All questions are not equal. If you gave an intimate partner all positive scores, except that you don’t like him/her, or that you aren’t attracted to him/her, a high score still does not mean things are fine.