Deepening Intimacy and Closeness

A Valentine’s Exercise

Have you ever wondered how people deepen the intimacy and closeness in their relationships?  Try this Valentine’s exercise, which will allow you to “interview” your intimate partner—and hopefully assist you in  gaining  a greater depth of understanding and closeness in your relationship.

If you’d like to find out more information about any given subject, ask additional questions—such as how, where, when, how often, how long, likes and dislikes, desires and requests.  Ask your partner how s/he feels about your relationship and about you concerning the following areas:

  • Communication
  • Hopes, wishes and dreams
  • Fears/anxieties
  • What angers you
  • Giving affection
  • Receiving affection
  • Spirituality or religion
  • Neatness, cleanliness and personal hygiene
  • Money and financial issues
  • The past
  • The future
  • Children/parenting issues
  • Feelings about family, extended family or time spent with family
  • Romance
  • Sex
  • Personal friendships/your friends as a couple /time spent with friends
  • What irritates you
  • What makes you happy
  • Interests/hobbies
  • Travel/vacations
  • Holidays, birthdays, anniversaries, special occasions
  • Giving love
  • Receiving love
  • Entertainment/TV
  • Self-improvement
  • Dress/clothing/appearance
  • Meals/food
  • Alcohol or other substances
  • Exercise and fitness
  • Weight
  • Trust
  • Time spent together
  • Work
  • House/home
  • Regrets
  • Sadnesses
  • Apologies
  • Requests
  • What I could do that would help you to feel closer

Make sure to take turns asking each other these questions, so it’s not one-sided.  And don’t try to get through these questions all at the same time.  It will be more effective and intimate if you take one or several of these questions every few days—and continue this discussion over the course of a month or two.  That way the intimacy and connection between the two of you has an opportunity of deepening over time.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

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