A Communication Exercise for Couples

Want your relationship to be closer? Want greater understanding and friendship with your lover? Want a deeper, more intimate connection with the man or woman you call yours, or want to someday call yours?

Try this couple’s communication exercise, courtesy of Michael, Stanis and Senna Beck in their book 365 Questions for Couples (Adams Media Press). Take turns answering the following questions as honestly and throughly as you can. Many of these questions will have multiple answers, not just one. Sharing your answers to the following questions is a surprisingly intimate way of feeling closer and more connected with each other. It’s one of the best ways of deepening the intimacy between the two of you.

  • What makes a “good relationship?” What do good relationships consist of?
  • What qualities does a person have to have in order for you to trust him/her?
  • Do you think you are competent in standing up for what you believe in? In what circumstances have you done so, and when have you failed?
  • When do you hear your inner voice saying positive or negative things to you? In which situations? What sort of things does your inner voice say to you?
  • Tell me about a time when your anger caused you to be destructive. What did you damage?
  • Is there anybody in your life that has hurt you so badly that you can never forgive them? What were the circumstances?
  • What are the most frustrating experiences you’ve had? How would you say you deal with major frustration?
  • Are there any problems in your life that you believe you’re not emotionally or physically ready to solve?
  • Has your definition of love changed over time? How do you define love now, and how did you think of it before?
  • What are your thoughts on the way your parents raised you?
  • What negative things have you learned from observing the way your family relates to each other?
  • What positive things have you picked up from watching your parents’ relationship?
  • What are the most important things your father has taught you?
  • What have you learned from your mother?
  • Is there anyone you believe you can trust to give you an honest evaluation when you go to them with a problem?
  • Have you ever been dumped? How did you get over it?
  • Do you trust yourself to respond effectively in an emergency situation? How do you act in an emergency?
  • Do you ever daydream? What’s your favorite scenario?
  • Do you have any dreams which repeat again and again? Do you like these dreams, or do they bother you?
  • What’s an adventure? How important is it to you to create an occasional adventure for yourself?
  • If there was a play or movie based on your life, what would it be called? Would it be more a comedy, a drama, an action, a romance or a tragedy?
  • What is a talent that you wished you possessed?
  • If you were forced to change to a different career or field, what would you choose to pursue?
  • If you could have just one wish granted, what would it be?
  • What are your personal goals for the future?
  • If you could make a permanent change to your body, what would you alter?
  • If you could move anywhere in the world, where would you choose to live?
  • What would you choose to do if you had an entire year to pursue anything you wanted?
  • What are your best qualities?
  • What is your worst personality flaw? What sparks it?
  • What do you like best about your job?
  • When do you think that you look your best? What do you do to make yourself look attractive?

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