Disconnected and Detached

Do people accuse you of being cold or withdrawn? Are you detached from your relationships? When you are disconnected and detached from other people:

  • Your work is your reason for living. It’s what really counts in your life. All of your spare time goes into projects related to your work, or your other interests
  • and projects. You spend a lot of time you.
  • You find it easier to masturbate than to have sex with your mate, or you have a very low libido and you’re just not very interested in sex at all.
  • You are more interested in your computer than your children.
  • You’re in your own world a lot of the time, daydreaming a lot.
  • You find marriage and family life too demanding and constricting. You’d rather stay single and play the field.
  • People have told you that you’re difficult to get to know, and that it’s hard to get close to you.

If the above description fits you—or partially fits—there are some things you could do if you would like to become more involved and connected to the important people in your life.

First, are you often in front of the TV, a newspaper, book, computer or sports? Do you often bring your work home, or work too many hours? Do you avoid social gatherings or “intimate” conversations because they make you uneasy? Try changing these routines. Engage yourself with other people socially, and specifically with those people you would like to be closer to.

Second, what could you do in order to deepen the relationship with your mate? If you cannot answer this question, ask him or her, and heed the advise.

Third, how could you reach out to your children? Invent ways to spend time with them, and let them know that you want the two of you to have a better relationship. Create non-intrusive ways to be involved in their world and be interested in what they’re interested in. Let them know you care, through your words, deeds
and touch.

Fourth, reach out to friends, family and co-workers. How could you create new connections or friendships with other people? Don’t wait for others to extend a hand to you. Do the reaching out yourself.

Fifth, reconnect with your life’s visions. Other than work, what are your life’s goals? What do you feel passionate about? What else to you want to experience or achieve? What will you regret later on if you don’t change now?

Sixth, try keeping a daily log of your feelings. It will help you stay in touch with your emotions, and it will assist you in being conscious of your fears when relating to others.

Lastly, be personal with people. Keep conversations about work, news, weather and sports to a minimum. You don’t usually get close to other people talking about those subjects. Talk instead about your dreams, disappointments, fears, hopes and concerns, and ask other people about theirs. That is how people begin feeling closer to each other.

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