Relationship Retreats in Colorado: Time to Work on What Isn’t Working

Sometimes a relationship isn’t ending—but it isn’t working very well either.

You may still love each other, yet feel increasingly distant. Conversations that once felt easy may now turn into arguments, defensiveness or silence. Affection may have diminished. Resentments may have accumulated. You may feel more like roommates than partners.

Or perhaps the problems have become more serious. Trust has been damaged. One partner has emotionally withdrawn. You’ve tried couples therapy but remain stuck. Separation or divorce may even have entered the conversation.

A private relationship retreat gives you something that’s difficult to create in ordinary life: several uninterrupted days devoted to understanding what has happened between you and working seriously on changing it.

At Colorado Marriage Retreats, I work privately with one couple at a time for 5–6 hours a day over 2–5 consecutive days.

There are no groups, workshops or other couples participating in your sessions.

The focus is entirely on the two of you.

What Is a Private Relationship Retreat?

A relationship retreat is concentrated couples therapy conducted over several consecutive days.

It gives you the opportunity to step outside your normal routines and spend substantial, uninterrupted time addressing problems that may have developed over months or years.

Unlike a group retreat or relationship workshop, you won’t follow a predetermined curriculum.

We work on your relationship—your history, your conflicts, your disappointments, your patterns and the changes the two of you need.

That might mean understanding why seemingly minor disagreements become major fights. It might mean addressing resentment that has never really been resolved. We may need to work on defensiveness, anger, emotional withdrawal, damaged trust or the gradual loss of closeness between you.

Several concentrated days give us the time to go beneath the symptoms and work on what is actually keeping the two of you stuck.

Has Your Relationship Become Disconnected?

Not every struggling relationship looks dramatic.

Sometimes couples aren’t fighting constantly. Instead, they gradually stop reaching for each other.

You talk about schedules, children, work, finances and responsibilities—but rarely about yourselves.

Affection decreases. Sex and romance may diminish. Important conversations get avoided because they seem too difficult or too likely to end badly.

Eventually you may find yourselves asking:

What happened to us?

That kind of disconnection can be just as important to address as open conflict.

A private relationship retreat gives you time to understand how the distance developed and what each of you would need in order to feel emotionally connected again.

What If We Keep Having the Same Problems?

Many couples come to me because they’ve talked about their problems countless times.

They aren’t lacking conversation.

They’re lacking resolution.

One partner raises a concern. The other feels criticized and becomes defensive. Someone gets angry. Someone withdraws. The original issue disappears beneath the argument about how the conversation itself went wrong.

Eventually both people can predict the pattern before it begins.

During an intensive, we can slow those patterns down and examine what is actually happening underneath them.

Then we work on something more difficult—and more useful—than simply identifying the pattern:

changing it while it is happening.

What Happens During a Relationship Retreat?

Before we begin, I want to understand what has brought you here, what has happened in your relationship and what each of you hopes might change.

During our days together, we’ll identify the recurring patterns that have kept you stuck and work directly with the issues that matter most.

Depending upon your relationship, that may include:

• Resolving longstanding conflicts and resentments

• Learning how to discuss difficult subjects without escalating

• Reducing defensiveness, criticism and withdrawal

• Rebuilding emotional connection

• Understanding each other’s needs more accurately

• Addressing injuries that have never been adequately repaired

• Rebuilding trust when it has been damaged

• Finding a way to communicate when previous attempts have failed

• Determining what would genuinely have to change for the relationship to become healthy again

This isn’t simply a matter of learning a collection of communication techniques.

The deeper goal is to understand why the two of you have become stuck in this particular relationship pattern and help you begin creating a different one.

Why Spend Several Days Working on Your Relationship?

Weekly couples therapy can be extremely useful.

But there are times when a 50-minute appointment simply doesn’t provide enough time.

Just as you reach something important, the session may end. You return to ordinary life for another week, and by the next appointment there may be an entirely new argument to discuss.

A private relationship intensive gives us continuity.

When we uncover something important, we have time to stay with it. We can work through difficult emotions rather than postponing them. And the following day we can continue building on the work we’ve already done.

For couples who have been stuck for a long time, that concentration can allow us to accomplish work that is difficult to do in short weekly appointments.

This Is Not a Group Retreat or Romantic Getaway

The word “retreat” can mean many different things.

Colorado Marriage Retreats is not a resort program, couples workshop or group experience.

There are no group exercises and no other couples participating in your therapy.

I work with one couple at a time.

You receive approximately 5–6 hours of private couples therapy each day for 2–5 consecutive days.

Stepping away from everyday responsibilities can certainly be valuable. But the purpose of coming to Colorado isn’t simply to get away together.

It is to give your relationship enough uninterrupted attention to work seriously on what needs to change.

Do We Have to Be Married?

No.

Although my practice is called Colorado Marriage Retreats, I work with committed couples whose relationships matter deeply to them, whether or not they are legally married.

The important question isn’t what you call the relationship.

It is whether the two of you believe there is enough at stake to devote several serious days to understanding what has gone wrong and exploring what could be different.

What If One of Us Is More Committed Than the Other?

You don’t have to arrive equally hopeful.

In distressed relationships, one partner is often more motivated to repair things while the other has become discouraged, skeptical or uncertain.

I don’t ask either of you to pretend otherwise.

Nor will I pressure you to remain together regardless of what has happened.

Instead, we examine what has brought the relationship to this point, what each of you would need in order for the relationship to work, and whether meaningful repair is still possible.

Sometimes the most important question a couple brings to an intensive is:

“Is there still enough here for us to rebuild?”

That is a legitimate question to bring with you.

Who Will We Work With?

You will work directly with me, Neil Rosenthal.

I am a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and have worked with individuals and couples for 46 years. I am the author of a #1 bestselling relationship book and more than 1,000 relationship articles published in newspapers around the world.

My practice is devoted to private couples intensives.

I have worked with couples struggling with recurring conflict, emotional disconnection, resentment, defensiveness, withdrawal, damaged trust and uncertainty about whether their relationship can survive.

You will not be assigned to another therapist or passed from one member of a treatment team to another.

When you come here, you work with me.

How Long Is a Relationship Retreat?

Private relationship retreats generally last 2–5 days, with approximately 5–6 hours of therapy each day.

Couples come to Colorado from across the United States.

The appropriate number of days depends upon what you’re facing and what you hope to accomplish. During a complimentary telephone consultation, I can learn more about your situation and help you determine whether an intensive—and what length of intensive—makes sense for you.

Not Sure if a Relationship Retreat Is Right for You?

You don’t need to decide before contacting me.

Tell me a little about what has been happening between the two of you. I’ll answer your questions and help you determine whether a private relationship retreat would be appropriate.

Call Neil Rosenthal at 720-331-5564 for a complimentary consultation.

Not ready to call? Send me a private message describing briefly what is happening in your relationship. I will personally respond.