I have been living with this man for 18 months. Four months ago I found a text on his phone asking for a sensual massage. I googled the number and multiple ads popped up about guys asking for “happy ending” massages. When I confronted my partner, he admitted he likes getting getting a hand job from other men every so often, but that he never touches them. But it turns out one of the men texted him confirming their reciprocal sexual experience. When confronted, my partner admitted that he is also sometimes having sex with these men.

I don’t know what to think about all of this. I am trying to be accepting and accommodating, but it’s causing me to have mood swings. I really don’t want to leave, but I don’t know what to do. If I ask him to stop, I fear he would just do this behind my back. Can you advise?

My Bloke is Having Sex With Other Blokes in Australia

Dear My Bloke: Your boyfriend has lied to you, he clearly does not believe in monogamy or fidelity, and you don’t trust him. But the worst part of your email is that you appear to have no voice in this relationship, so you feel you simply cannot tell him to cease and desist, and you fear you cannot make an agreement with him and trust that he will keep that agreement.

You need a voice in this relationship, because your relationship is for you as well as for him. You are clearly not okay with what he is doing, so I would advise you start there. Tell him his behavior hurts, angers and threatens you, and that you want him to stop having any sexual or erotic contact with anyone else, regardless of their gender. You could also ask him how satisfied he is with your relationship and with your sex life, and if there are any changes he would like to request. (You get to answer the same questions also, by the way.) You might ask him what is he getting outside the relationship that he is not getting at home.

If you’re okay with him having multiple sexual relationships with others, that is your call. But you don’t sound as if you’re okay with this at all. And yes, almost everyone would consider a man having sex (or a “happy ending”) with another man to be actual sex. So it’s time for you to speak up and insist on a relationship you can be happy with, because if he is unwilling to honor your needs and requests, or if he isn’t truthful about what he is doing with others, you are unlikely to trust him, and you will forever remain unhappy in this relationship.

Finding your voice in a relationship requires you to honestly and assertively speak up about what you feel and think, as well as what you need and desire from your partner. It also involves saying what is offensive or disagreeable to you, and what hurts, angers or annoys you. And it requires you standing your ground when you encounter an issue or a behavior that is unacceptable. It further requires that you insist on a boundary you can live with, such as this behavior is a deal breaker, and if you cross this line ever again I will be out of here.

As for the possibility of him doing the same things behind your back, you are talking about the basic tenet of trust that is essential to every happy relationship. Insist on his passwords to all his accounts, and monitor them for awhile. If you cannot trust him, you will cease to love and respect him, and then you will find it intolerable to remain with him. So find out now, before you invest any more of yourself into this relationship. Find your voice and speak up, and let him know what is and what is not acceptable to you. If you don’t do this, you will agree to live with a man you will cease to believe in.

The post Finding Your Voice is Essential in a Relationship appeared first on Colorado Marriage Retreats.

Dear Neil: I had been pursuing a woman for a couple of months, and we ended up dating for a while after that. It never got very serious, and in the end she let me know that she wasn’t looking for anything romantic with me. I was upset, but she was fair and direct about it.

I own a business with a good friend. It’s just the two of us, and they met because I was dating her. A week or so after she ended with me, they started secretly seeing each other. I discovered this by accident, and when asked, my workmate confirmed that they were dating. I know in my head that they haven’t really done anything wrong, but I feel incredibly hurt. This all feels small in the scheme of things, and I’m passionate about my business with my friend, but right now I just don’t want to see him. How can I get over this?

Hurt in New Zealand

Dear Hurt: Perhaps it would have been better if your workmate told you in advance that he was going to ask out the woman you had been recently seeing, or if he had asked for your permission first. I have a suspicion that you would have still felt hurt even if he had informed you ahead of time. Of course, you could have said no to him, but she didn’t belong to you, and your consent was not necessary for the two of them to begin dating each other.

There is an ill-defined and seldom talked about ethical dilemma that you have touched on. It you are single and close with someone—a friend, relative or fellow worker—and they are in a relationship that falls apart, are you free to pursue a romantic relationship with their ex-wife/husband, partner or lover? The answer to that question is almost wholly based on how much you value the relationship with the other person, because they are likely to feel betrayed and stabbed in the back by you. Of course, you could also offer your blessing for them to date if your emotions and dreams are no longer invested in the relationship.

Being in an intimate relationship, for most of us, means that we have permitted ourselves to become emotionally vulnerable to someone else—even if the relationship was short lived. We invest our hopes, dreams and fantasies in the relationship, and it brings out our desires and longings. It hurts to think of someone else having what was precious to us, but that we lost. To think of someone we value and have a trusting relationship with taking what has been denied us can feel like betrayal or disloyalty. So in a nutshell, you feel as if your coworker was disloyal to you, even if your head says that they haven’t really done anything wrong.

So how do you get over this? You could tell your coworker how this has affected you, and that you feel the working relationship between the two of you deserved more openness and consideration from him about how all of this might make you feel, not to mention how it might impact your working relationship with each other. But the only thing he can do now is apologize, and promise you that he’ll be more mindful of protecting your friendship in the future.

The post Is It Okay to Pursue a Relationship with a Friend’s Ex? appeared first on Colorado Marriage Retreats.

Dear Neil: My boyfriend of 18 months continuously lies to me. He’s lied about going places, about sleeping with his ex-girlfriend, about smoking, about drinking and about spending verses saving money. In the beginning of our relationship I got hold of his social media, and discovered he was flirting with other girls and talking trash about me. The trust in our relationship is not there, but I love him. What can we do to fix this problem? Will I ever be able to trust him again?

My Boyfriend is a Liar

Dear Boyfriend is a Liar: It’s interesting that you ask if you will ever be able to trust him again, because as far as I can tell, you’ve never been able to trust him. That does not inspire confidence about his honesty, honor or integrity in the future. In order to be able to trust someone, you need for him to be truthful over time about matters both large and small. He would have to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth about who he’s with, where he’s going, what he’s doing and who he’s sleeping with. He would need to say exactly what he means and mean exactly what he says.

If he did that, you would know what kind of relationship he is trying to establish with you. (A casual relationship with no assumptions, or a committed relationship that is building toward a future?) He would not hide access to his phone or computer because he would have nothing to hide, and you would know his security codes or passwords—unless he worked with highly sensitive or confidential information. But you would have virtually no need to verify what he said, because you would have no reason to suspect that he had been misleading you. (Birthday presents, surprise jewelry or spontaneous weekend get-aways get a free pass.)

Words mean nothing when they’re meant to deceive. Therefore, always believe someone’s actions instead of their words. An habitual liar is likely to remain a liar when he’s trying to hide something, and habitual liars have a lot to hide. But if you stay with a liar you will never trust him, and you’ll find yourself questioning almost everything he says. As a result, don’t be surprised if you find yourself snooping around in order to verify what he tells you. But that presents a new problem: you won’t like yourself when you’re snooping around. You may be able to justify it, but your self-esteem will lessen.

I wouldn’t give your boyfriend chance after chance after chance if I were you. If he has lied over and over again, an agreement with him isn’t likely to be effective, because you’ll fear he’ll say one thing and do another. So the answer to your last 2 questions: “We” cannot fix this problem. He is the only one who can, and it doesn’t sound as if he is terribly motivated. Second, unless he sees the light and has a complete reversal of his behavior, you are unlikely to trust him into the future. You might love him, but it doesn’t sound as if he is good for you.

The post In Order to Trust, You Need This appeared first on Colorado Marriage Retreats.

Dear Neil: I just came out of an 11 year relationship. We lived together and had custody of his daughter who’s now 14. I work full time and make more money than him, and he works only part time. We got engaged 2 years ago, and decided we wanted a big wedding, so we opened a joint account to save together. 3 months ago I was diagnosed with cancer. Then, last month, while I was at work, he moved all his belongings out of our place and cleaned out our joint bank account, leaving me $500 of the $13,400 we had saved. When I dropped in to his place of work to confront him about it, he told his staff to call the police.

The money is upsetting, but the real hurt is that we had a life together, and then I learn that he left me for a woman he had met less than a week earlier. It’s like I ceased to exist to him. I have now been in 5 relationships, and all of them have left me in the end, and 3 have robbed me. What am I doing wrong?

Discarded and Deserted in New York

Dear Deserted: What an awful story. Here’s where I would recommend you look more carefully.

The foundation of all relationships revolves around trust. If I say I’m going to do something, and then I do it, I am demonstrating that I am trustworthy. If I do this hundreds or thousands of times consistently over time, you begin to trust me more deeply, and therefore allow me to see your vulnerabilities, your sensitive spots, your innermost secrets—and this trust assists you in loving me and offering me your heart.

But let’s say I am not always consistent with my words or behaviors. Let’s say you catch me in a lie, or you witness me misrepresenting myself, or witness me being dishonorable with someone. I am now demonstrating that I am not always honest, and that you may not always be able to trust me. This is where I would urge you to pay closer attention in the future.

Pay attention to whether a man shows you, over time, that he is honest, trustworthy, honorable and operates with integrity—or not. And if you determine that he is not always trustworthy, that needs to be directly confronted. If he accepts responsibility and acknowledges wrongdoing—and then doesn’t do it again—perhaps you have found a decent and trustworthy man. But if he repeats dishonest or dishonorable behaviors, you will not be able to reliably trust him.

The other place where I would suggest you look more carefully is regarding the connection between the two of you. Most people, over time, grow complacent in their relationship, and they quit consistently behaving sweet, attentive, affectionate, communicative and loving. They have settled into being a “normal” couple, which so often means that they have quit trying. It sounds as if your relationships with men lose their connection, and that you’re not noticing or acting on it. But the connection means everything about someone wanting to stay in a relationship. So if you sense that the connection is lessening in your next relationship, that is the time to increase communication, affection, fun and talking about what each of you feel and desire from the other.

The post How Trust is Built—and Connection is Lost appeared first on Colorado Marriage Retreats.

Dear Neil: Could you address how to rebuild trust after an affair?

Reader From New Zealand

Dear New Zealand: What we actually mean when we say “I need to be able to trust you again” is really “I need to feel safe around you again.” So rebuilding trust is akin to restoring the feeling that you’re honorable, honest, truthful, trustworthy and safe.

The other relationship has to be completely over. No repair work is going to happen if your spouse/intimate partner is not confident that the affair has stopped. This is particularly challenging when the other person is someone you regularly see at work. But if you’re going to make your spouse feel safe, you will have to do whatever s/he needs. This includes you honestly confessing, telling the whole story with as much detail as your partner asks for.

Second, sincerely apologize. A sincere apology is not simply saying “I’m sorry.” A sincere apology acknowledges wrongdoing, accepts accountability for the behavior, conveys genuine sorrow that you have hurt the person you love—and communicates that you will go to the end of the Earth in order to make things up to him or her. You must include an inviolable promise that you will be honest, transparent and open about your dealings with other people from here on out, and that you will never keep a hurtful secret from your partner again.

Third, you must take the lead and offer consistent effort over time to assist the relationship in being closer, friendlier, more engaged and more deeply connected. Fourth, show your interest by being way more affectionate. Holding hands, hugging, cuddling, kissing, having your arm abound each other as you watch a movie—those are ways to be affectionate through touch.

Fifth, several times a week, tell your partner what you love, admire, respect and like about him/her. Your partner’s confidence is shaken, and I cannot overstate the importance of offering a ton of reassurance—often. Sixth, be emotionally and physically available, and compassionately listen to your partner’s hurt and pain. This may take a while, and you may hear the same “I can’t believe this” refrain many many times before it diminishes. Be understanding and patient. It will lessen over time.

Seventh, offer complete openness and transparency about phone records, texts, emails, credit card statements and bills. It will give your partner assurance that you are no longer keeping secrets or being private about your dealings with other people.

Lastly, don’t cheat again. Trust is way harder to regain if this happens more than once.

“Love is the irresistible desire to be desired irresistibly.” —Louis Ginsberg

The post Rebuilding Trust After an Affair appeared first on Colorado Marriage Retreats.

Dear Neil: My husband of 3 years has been hiding his phone for the past 6 months. When asked why, he said that he likes his space, and he asked me to trust him. Our relationship has some issues, especially regarding our poor communication and our inability to discuss issues or share with each other. So the distance has grown, and he stopped showing any interest in me physically.

One day he left his phone out. I opened it and learned he was having an affair. I am now in the situation where I either trust him again or leave him for good. Should I leave him or give our relationship a second chance? He has asked me for forgiveness, but has quit trying.

Needing Advice

Dear Needing Advice: There is something missing from your story. Your husband has asked you to trust him again, but you mention nothing about what he is doing in order to help you trust him again.

Has he ended the affair? How sure are you of his answer? What is his explanation for what happened? Listen very carefully to his answer and keep your BS detector on high alert so he doesn’t attempt to gloss over what happened. “It just happened” is simply not an acceptable answer, because it gives you no real explanation of his behavior, and it gives you no reassurance that it won’t happen again. What safeguards is he offering so you could be confident that this won’t happen again?

“I like my space” does not go well with marriage when someone has had an affair. He will be able to use his “space” as an excuse to be able to do anything he wants—while telling you that what he does or who he’s with is none of your business. That sounds like a recipe for the same thing happening to you again and again. Is he prepared to never again hide his phone, texts, emails and other forms of communication? Is he prepared to give you every password he uses for all his devices so you can feel convinced that this won’t happen again?

Nothing you describe makes me confident that he is genuinely sorry, or that he feels he has done wrong or has acted poorly. In order for you to feel safe with him in the future, there needs to be real repair work. You need to feel confident that your husband understands the gravity of what he has done, and is willing to go way out of his way to demonstrate and/or prove to you that it won’t happen again. If he is not willing to do this, or if he does it very half-hearted, he isn’t sincere, and this same scenario is very likely to happen all over again.

You just deciding to trust him will not work without these safeguards. Do you actually buy his explanation about what happened? Are the two of you repairing your poor communication and inability to share with each other, the distance between you and his lack of interest in you sexually? A man who has quit trying sounds like an extremely poor risk to me. You don’t want to be married to a man who doesn’t want you.

The post Basic Requirements in Order to Give a Relationship a Second Chance appeared first on Colorado Marriage Retreats.

Dear Neil: I am interested in your views of people staying in contact with their ex’s while in a new relationship. I have been dating a man for 5 months, and he believes it is fine to stay in contact and visit occasionally with his ex-partners. He says they are now “friends.”

I feel that once people have had an intimate/sexual relationship with each other, there will always be that “special” connection, and it has no place in a new relationship. I do not consider myself a jealous person, but I feel hurt and insecure knowing that he would like to spend time with someone he was obviously attracted to before. Am I wrong?

Feeling Insecure in New Zealand

Dear Insecure: There is nothing wrong with staying in contact with an ex-partner/spouse/lover. Some people are lucky enough to remain friends with someone who they were once emotionally and sexually involved with, but who now are counted as non-romantic friends that they share a past with. Keeping such friends can ground us, because they remind us of who we once were, and ex-partner’s of ours may have some keen insights into our personalities, abilities, tendencies and temperament.

But threatening a current relationship is not wise if the goal is to explore a possible future together. A relationship cannot stabilize if it is always feeling insecure, and it will never get to feeling “normal” if you can’t trust that he will give up other romantic possibilities in order to keep you. And that’s what it sounds like you are fearful of—that he will keep all his romantic/sexual options open, and therefore will not commit to you.

So although it is not wrong to stay in contact with previous lovers, it can also threaten a new relationship. On the one hand, your boyfriend may not want to lose contact with ex-lovers he still feels a connection with. But on the other hand, you don’t feel safe and secure with him, knowing that he is maintaining these previous relationships. Such a dilemma, if not resolved, could easily turn into a trust issue that could sabotage trust and goodwill in your relationship.

I could see you asking him to take a break from his ex-lovers while the two of you are exploring a possible deeper relationship with each other. For arguments sake, let’s say you ask him to discontinue those other relationships for a year. At the end of that year, assuming the two of you are more stable, perhaps he could invite his ex’s and you to all get together so that you could meet each other. The goal would be to give your new relationship some time to gain stability and security before his ex’s are put in the mix.

It is not unreasonable for you to ask for what you need in order to feel safe and secure, and the man who refuses such a request might be saying that he doesn’t foresee a future with you, or that he feels more connected with his ex’s than he does with you. It is also reasonable for him to want to keep long-standing friends even though he has entered a relationship with you.

It speaks volumes about how attached and committed we are when we are willing to make important to us what is important to our partners. Perhaps both of you can do so for each other. He could assist your relationship in stabilizing and feeling secure and committed, and you could then allow him his old “friends.”

The post When Maintaining Contact With An Ex-Lover Threatens A Relationship appeared first on Colorado Marriage Retreats.

Dear Neil: I caught my husband telling another woman on the phone that she is beautiful. They work together. When confronted, he told me she recently split with her husband, and that he was consoling her. I have been suspicious for the past year, but when I brought it up he would brush me off. He says he has not had sex with her, but his phone account shows many calls over the past 12 months.

He says he loves me and wants nothing more to do with her, but I am struggling to believe anything he says. We had only been married for 7 months when these calls began. I feel like a fool and am leaning toward leaving. This goes against my morals. The only thing keeping me married is that I love him. Please help.

No Longer Trusting in Queensland, Australia

Dear No Longer: It’s difficult to encourage you to end a new marriage based on only on your suspicions, without really knowing if your suspicions are true or not. Here’s what you can do. First, you’re going to have to set some very firm boundaries with your husband about what is and what is not acceptable behavior in your marriage, because it appears that he doesn’t have firm or strong boundaries on his own.

Also, you had to discover this instead of him willfully sharing what he was doing and who he was taking with. He is apparently close friends with another woman you know very little about, and his conversations with her are private and personal, and not shared with you at all. So there also needs to be an agreement about transparency, openness and sharing personal information, and a willingness to not hold any secrets at all from each other—including friends, phone calls, texts, emails and all other forms of communication.

Third, you could tell your husband that since there has been a breach of trust with this woman, that you don’t want them to have contact after work hours. If there is any such contact, you can tell him that you want to be included in all their phone calls and/or meetings also.

Fourth, something needs to come from him that attempts to correct this breach of trust. He needs to go way out of his way to show you—and to reassure you—that you are truly his one and only, and that something like this will never happen again. And I don’t mean only verbally—he has to show it as well. You just might be able to regain trust for a man who is willing to go way out of his way, consistently showing you he is committed to you, and consistently being more aware of your trust and secrecy concerns.

If these recommendations do not give you peace of mind, there is a fifth option, but be forewarned, this option is more risky and takes more gumption. When your husband isn’t around (but his phone is) you could call her—from his phone. Tell her who you are, that you know that she and your husband are in a relationship, and ask her if she will talk with you about how emotionally invested they are with each other.

There is no guarantee she will be open or honest with you, but if she is, you can have a woman-to-woman conversation with her, and you can ask her if it is a romantic relationship, if it is a sexual relationship, has he ever said that he loves her, and any other information you would like to know. She might refuse to talk with you, or even hang up on you—which would not be proof, but it would sound like there is something she is trying to hide. But if she cooperates, that might assist you in deciding what to do with your marriage.

She could say that their relationship is not romantic or sexual, that he has just been a friend to her, and you will have no way of knowing whether that is the truth or not. So, the bottom line is that you may never know the full truth about their “friendship.” If your husband is willing to do the top 4 recommendations—and does them well, and keeps doing them—would that be enough for you? The rule of thumb is that you can trust the person who is willing to go way out of his way, consistently, over time—and does nothing to re-injure trust.

The post Breach of Trust Must Be Fixed if Relationship Is to Continue appeared first on Colorado Marriage Retreats.

Dear Neil: I’ve had an awful secret for about 8 months now. I met a guy and we hit it off like no other. We are incredible together and I love him more than any man I’ve ever been with. We were both separated when we met, and I got divorced over a year ago.

But last December, he and his wife got pregnant. I was crushed because I never thought he, of all people, would cheat on me (yes, I know that sounds backward). She has now delivered the baby and I’m very afraid I’m going to lose him. As far as I know, they will still get the divorce, but it’s now been pushed back for obvious reasons. I love this man with all my heart, and I want to forgive him because I still want him. But I need to know if I’m doing the right thing by still wanting to be with him.

Don’t Know Which Way To Go

Dear Don’t Know: You have no choice but to back off and let them attempt to keep their family intact. If they fall apart, he’s fair game. If they stay together, he belongs to another, not to you.

And I will state the obvious: Your boyfriend did not exactly cheat on you, even if he were not with his wife when you met. Marriage is an emotional relationship, and those emotions can run very hot and very cold, as I’m sure you well know. But in the end, he remained married to his wife—which is a statement in and of itself. Now they have a strong reason to stay together and attempt to make their relationship work. A child may not keep a relationship together, but it’s a powerful incentive.

I know you think the two of you are meant for each other, but that is your hope talking, and it may not accurately reflect what’s real. Allow him to decide what he wants to do, but don’t be surprised if he stays with his wife. He might be the right one for you, but he also may belong to another. And if he does, he’s going to choose her.

Dear Neil: We all have dear friends or family members who are compulsive talkers, and who wear us out because they just can’t stop talking. Can you help me deal with these people?

Annoyed in Parker, Colorado

Dear Annoyed: People who repeatedly talk too much tend to be self-absorbed and needy. They are looking for empathy, or support, or validation and maybe a pat on the back. Occasionally they are looking for advice, but more often than not they just need for someone to take an interest in them. They are most likely unaware that they are talking too much and that you want the conversation to end.

The most effective way of stopping people from incessantly talking is to set a time limit on the conversation. You could say, for instance, that you only have 15 minutes because you’re expecting a phone call, or you have a headache, or you’re not feeling well and you have to lay down. This is obviously easier to do on the phone than it is in person, but you can also set a time limit in person. The key is to not set a meeting up at a home or a restaurant where people expect to visit with each other. If you, for example, scheduled an activity, movie, a game or a project all of you do together, then you are doing things with each other rather than just talking. Of course, you could also make your visits less frequent and shorter as well.

The one thing you’re avoiding, however, is to simply be honest with the other person. You could say, as an example: “Mary, I have noticed the last several times we have talked that I have said almost nothing and you have dominated our conversations. What could we do in order to have a more give-and-take conversation this time?” Or, you might say: “I care about you and want to be there for you, but I don’t want you to talk my ear off. Could we have more of an equal conversation this time?”

If this person is important to you and you wish to have a future relationship, then your feelings and needs count also.

The post Does My Lover Belong to Me or Not? appeared first on Colorado Marriage Retreats.

Dear Neil: My boyfriend of four years has issues telling the truth. When I confront him he becomes very defensive. His constant excuse is that: “I wasn’t lying. I just forgot to tell you.” He has lied about going to a strip club, driving drunk, smoking, talking with ex-girlfriends, exchanging pictures with ex-girlfriends, etc. The actions themselves are things we can work through, but the lying about it makes me question the future of our relationship. He insists he is happy with me and wants to marry me someday, but every few months something like this comes up.

But now he has to move across the country for an extended amount of time (he is in the military), and I just don’t feel that I can handle the lack of trust. I love him very much and I don’t know what to do. Am I being too hard on him, or is it time to let him go?

Stressed Out in San Diego

Dear Stressed: The problem with being in a relationship with a liar is that you never know when you are being told the truth, so you never get to feel comfortable, stable and secure in a relationship with him. Is he telling the truth when he says he wants to marry you someday, or is that a misleading statement? How can you know when he is telling the truth and when he isn’t?

It’s next to impossible to trust someone who doesn’t act trustworthy. Acting deceptive, withholding information or being dishonest is guaranteed to make you question whether he is a wise choice for you—and him not taking accountability for his dishonesty makes him sound more than a little crooked. And if this issue is not resolved before he leaves town, you are not likely to believe him when he tells you where he is, who he’s with or what he’s doing—and that lack of trust alone will very likely destroy your relationship with him.

Is smoking or going to a strip club is a deal-breaker for you? I ask that because you are talking about someone in a military environment where such things may be commonplace (and perhaps even expected) when all the guys get together socially. So my question to you: might you be unduly controlling of him, where he may be afraid to tell you the truth because you have such a strong response? Could that be a factor in all of this, or is this simply his lack of honesty, integrity and accountability?

The answer to that question is likely the answer to the larger question of whether you should stay with him or not. It is extremely difficult to have a long-distance relationship with someone that you don’t think is operating with honor or integrity. Plain and simple, if you can’t trust him, you can’t afford to stay in a relationship with him.

If he were genuinely interested in keeping you and helping you to feel safe and secure with him, here are some things he could do if he were motivated to defeat this issue. First, when he got busted as a kid for wrongdoing, was he severely disciplined? It could be that’s what’s getting triggered for him—and it would make him a stronger person if he were to deal with his fear of being caught doing something “wrong.”

Second, is he ready to be tied down and exclusive? It’s possible that he still needs the validation that comes from being available, single and attractive. If so, he may not be ready to fully commit to anyone quite yet. Third, how are you ever going to know what he’s doing if you live far apart from each other? In the end, the question is going to boil down to you identifying what you would need from him in order to feel safe enough to consider a long-distance relationship with him—and whether he is then willing to do it in both the letter and the spirit of your request.

The post What Do I Do With a Boyfriend Who Has Trouble Telling the Truth? appeared first on Colorado Marriage Retreats.